I met this guy through a friend of a friend. We had an interesting chat and he reached out later to ask if I’d like to hangout. It’s hard to find cool and interesting people, he noted. I knew I had mentioned RD a few times in our initial chat but thought it best to restate the fact that I’m in a relationship before agreeing to hanging out.
It’s strange because over the past few years I’ve certainly had moments of realizing I need to refill my friend roster and making efforts to connect with people I think are neat. I’ve also been on the receiving end and had several people reach out to me looking to try me on as a friend. It’s just that time of life where a lot of things can break up your circle of friends – graduate and school friends move away, breakup and lose friends in the fallout, friends getting married and have less time for you, etc.
But the truth is none of the attempts to consciously make someone a friend has worked, in either direction. It usually leads to a couple of coffees or lunches and then a handful of txts trying to coordinate the next get together that just never seems to get solidified and then the txts stop. It seriously feels like dating. Which makes a certain amount of sense.
But here’s my question: What’s the equivalent I’m-just-not-that-into-you blow off to “maybe we can just be friends” when the point is you don’t want to be friends?
We’ve hung out three times so far. He seems to think I’m the cat’s pajamas. It feels like he’s been interviewing me for a friendship placement and I’ve passed but I don’t see it working for me. I think I need to break it off. He just exhausts me. I feel him sucking the life out of me. He seems pumped up by the time we part and I’m completely drained.
Admittedly, I am not a master of social interactions. I’m often quite awkward and uncomfortable but there are sometimes when someone says something in a social setting that just makes you scratch your head and wonder if they can possibly be that clueless.
Yesterday, he says to me:
You say you get lots of sleep. Last time we got together, I noticed really dark circles around your eyes and didn’t know how to ask. So I asked a friend “How do you ask a girl about dark circles around her eyes?”
Apparently his friend gave him bad advice. The correct answer is… DON’T.
It’s just that they were really dark. I thought you might have a black eye. Like I was wondering if your boyfriend hits you.
OK, now you’re telling me you think the bags under my eyes were bad enough to be mistaken for black eyes AND that without knowing me very well or my boyfriend at all, you’re jumping to the conclusion that my boyfriend hits me.
You might want to shut up now. Please shut up.
To answer your concern: That was three weeks ago, I don’t remember what my eyes looked like or if I had slept properly the night before. Yes, I, like most people, often have bags under my eyes. There are several possibilities why they were SO dark. (A) I am fair-skinned which means the darkness is more likely to show through and the contrast is especially noticeable (B) Maybe I didn’t sleep well. I have a sleeping disorder afterall. (C) I often don’t wear makeup so it’s possible I wasn’t covering it up like most women do so you’re just not used to seeing what naturally most women have or maybe I was wearing makeup and rubbed my eyes and smudged it.
And as for suspicions that I was being abused, yes, I would want to know someone would speak up but you don’t go throwing suspicions like that around with nothing more behind them than “your eyes looked dark and puffy”.